30 Things I Learned From Porn
February 23, 2010 – 3:33 pmProbably old but I had never seen it and thought it was funny.
1. Women wear high heels to bed.
2. Men are never impotent.
3. When going down on a woman 10 seconds is more than satisfactory.
4. If a woman gets busted masturbating by a strange man, she will not scream with embarrassment, but rather insist he have sex with her.
5. Women smile appreciatively when men splat them in the face with sperm.
6. Women enjoy having sex with ugly, middle-aged men.
7. Women moan uncontrollably when giving a blowjob.
8. Women always orgasm when men do.
9. A blowjob will always get a women off a speeding ticket.
10. All women are noisy fucks.
11. People in the 70’s couldn’t fuck unless there was a wild guitar solo in the background.
12. Those tits are real.
13. A common and enjoyable sexual practice for a man is to take his half-erect penis and slap it repeatedly on a woman’s butt.
14. Men always groan “OH YEAH!” when they cum.
15. If there is two of them they “high five” each other.(and the girl isn’t disgusted!)
16. Double penetration makes women smile.
17. Asian men don’t exist.
18. If you come across a guy and his girlfriend having sex in the bushes,the boyfriend won’t bash seven shades of shit out of you if you shove your cock in his girlfriend’s mouth.
19. There’s a plot.
20. When taking a woman from behind, a man can really excite a woman by giving her a gentle slap on the butt.
21. Nurses suck patients cocks.
22. Men always pull out.
23. When your girlfriend busts you getting head from her best friend, she’ll only be momentarily pissed off before fucking the both of you.
24. Women never have headaches… or periods.
25. When a woman is sucking a man’s cock, it’s important for him to remind her to “suck it”.
26. Assholes are clean.
27. A man ejaculating on a womans butt is a satisfying result for all parties concerned.
28. Women always look pleasantly surprised when they open a man’s trousers and find a cock there.
29. Men don’t have to beg.
30. When standing during a blowjob, a man will always place one hand firmly on the back of the kneeling woman’s head and the other proudly on his hip.
4 Responses to “30 Things I Learned From Porn”
Depending on which house party or which dorm you’re at down at ASU, a lot of this is actually true
#5 over and over. I’ve actually had a shit-ton of girls request facials. The porn proliferation into mainstream society (aka the Paris Hilton affect) has been great for guys like me
#14 haha… that’s me! (hahaha… and you!)
#20 duh.
#25 me again
#30 Captain Morgan would have it no other way!
By AZ Fan on Feb 24, 2010
Hey man… nice blog update. Anyways, time to follow in the footsteps of ECG and get 2 more cams so you can have multiple angles of the good stuff.
And by good stuff, I mean the front shot of doggy-style when you put your junk in her meat-wallet and begin to pound away. She’s up on her elbows. Boobs are up off the bed. Nice facial expression shot. You’re behind her doin’ your best Catholic Priest impression slappin’ and smackin’ away. You’re balls-deep in either the V or the A… and her facial expressions are almost (probably!) even hotter than the POV. (Yes, I know you do this… but I find myself feeling like you come from a slightly higher angle and sometimes miss the priceless expressions. Also, pulling back the hair (little black hairtie? your fist??) is good, and a casual “look right into the camera!” never hurts.
Also, side view of her on her back or doggy-style. Boobs flying around with each dynamic thrust of your skin-sword is fun for the whole family!
Also, side profile view of waist-up or tits-up as she sucks the chrome off your man-meat trailer hitch.
Finally, a 2nd angle of where ever your man-milk/baby-batter finds a home (ideally for me, right on her face and lips)
This way you can still POV as much of it as possible, but still have a 2nd or 3rd view. More video editing… yeah, that’s the bummer, but man… what a high quality product you’ll be putting out.
ECG/BRCC/AA/Nubiles… Here comes BA!!
By AZ Fan on Feb 24, 2010
Addendum to the previous “comment.”
I, sir, am an asshole. Hahahaha… I rewatched a more recent session of yours and in fact, although you may not be the Steven Spielberg of porn yet, pretty much all the angles, etc. are present and accounted for.
Nice work. Really nice.
You da mang!
By AZ Fan on Feb 24, 2010
Slow day at work today?
You should become a dirty novel author.
By DEAN on Feb 25, 2010